SPEED HEARING

I'm miraculously updating...whoopie.
I was trying to put in my own fonts, but cant do it...I'm never happy with what I get. EVER.

Ok I am truly bummed, I just realized my dog has bigger boobs than me.
No wonder everyone wants to pet her, she's such a ho.!

I finally got my yard work done, its been so flippin' hot.
Anyway, I'm doing my thing, when I notice someone painting a house across the street, he looks familier.History on this , back when I first met him when I was working at the pawn shop (hey girls THATS the place to meet a guy... he is guaranteed to A) (no job/ low paying job, B)drug habit C)alimony' and/or a couple of baby's Mommas! Class A winner) ok, when I met him I thought maybe I could get in some side work, painting and other contractor related duties having had some good experience under my belt, after a couple of times in the shop I agreed to meet with him and discuss this further , one evening, we chat a little about some work, he then lets me know he is getting ready to start work in Fresno during the week and if I were available on the weekends,
ok,
yea, I 'm available...
he calls about 2-3 time a day for the rest of the week, "he's preparing for the out of town "good paying ,great opportunity/gophor position(gotta start somewhere) he's winding it up with his roomy, he calls me the night before he is to take off to Fresno and asks me if he could crash on my couch, he would gladly pay me for the accommodations... Loud shrieking voice in my brain says HELL NO!!!, I quickly and to my amazement say one simple word
"NO"
Wow... was I amazed at the simplicity and effortless way the word rolled off my tongue, like an extra thick milkshake it tasted good."oh, ok" was his response.
Yes my friends the BIG RED FLAG was ran up the flag pole, and I had one hand over my heart, and the other was flicking a cigarette ( as Alanis Morrisette would say)yep I reflected on my days at the school of Hard Knocks for which I am yet to get my diploma...
Ok back to the present day...having conveniently forgotten all of this, since it has been since March when I ignored his last 5 or 6 calls til he got the message!
I watched him work, ( more like an angry bee, practically jogging from the front porch to the side of the house!
I figured this scenario...
He's probably painting for his" boss -who- he -has -been -working -for- on -the -Fresno- job,- and -doing -quite- well- and -maybe -worth -my -time"
This, being instrumental to my decision after an hour or more of weighing the pros and cons of a simple hello.
What do you think? ...
YOU GOT IT SISTER! ...
WRONG ...WRONG...WRONG
A simple "hey, how ya doin?" released his whole life story,COMPRESSED FILE told on 78 when it should have been 33 1/3
He rented a room from this tweeker chick, she locked up his stuff, tho she was getting evicted, and then this other disabled chick rented him a room at 5$ a week cheaper , and his first nite there he gets out of the shower only to find her in his room that he was paying for and she happened to find his 20 bucks which she decided belonged to her since she was the "landlady" and posses ion was 9/10ths of the law I think it was payment for having to listen to his non-stop vocal diarrhea, and we're out of pepto-dismal!
So the torture has a price... He's the kind of guy who asks you a question and before you can mutter a single syllable he's off on another track and that train has no brakes ( this is after 3- 4 minutes of "hey..." and I was wanting to bust a gut at my yet another turn down the wrong path of life...kinda like finding yourself in the middle of the "hood" and you are out of gas and the sun is going down, and your cell has a dead battery AND no reception and you got a flat tire AND YOU STARTED YOUR PERIOD AND ALL YOU HAVE IS A TACO BELL BURRITO WRAPPER AND YOUR SHOE JUST BROKE...

Yes I wanted to gnaw my feet off at the knee for wandering across the street...


He proceeds to tell me ( lucky my mom was a speed Gabber, so I am well versed at adjusting my acoustic intake)
He is getting paid I swear I heard him say 20$!
And he just met the guy who's house it is...today,
in front of home depot,
and he's teaching guy-who-owns-the-house how to paint
and he's going to work this paint job into yard work, front and back, blah blah blah...you bet the guy-who-owns-the-house is gonna say anything "Keefer/Keister" wants to hear for 20$- for - a -100$ -job-guy.
omg
AND finally I'm inching my way back towards my humble home that I stumbled when I misjudged a 3 foot retaining wall that cradled the front yard, I'm so clumsily graceful!
Without missing a beat he continues with "hey-I -owe-you-dinner-did-we-ever-have-dinner-wanna-have-dinner-I -live-at-the-rescue-mission-do-you-have-a-boyfriend-i'll-be-at-your-house-around-5;30-6;00,thank-you." as I'm giddily relishing my escape with a "thank-you"of my own. I continue back across the street, almost running , I finish with my watering and make haste to the back yard where I finish picking my apples
(its around 2p) and while doing my yard thing, I hear Jimy say to me through his window
"oh, you are here"
"some guy was at the door for you and he wanted to tell you he was leaving"
ok...
I say to Jimy "let him"
is he going to inform me of his next bowel movement, too?
Yes Kim, you made an error in judgement,
but at least its semi-amusing.
He then called me about 30 min ago (its 5:30p) to inform me of his preparation for showering, to be followed with his hasty exit, with his destination being my front porch
HAh!!!
Right-o,
(having wished for temporary blindness earlier today)
I sadly inform him of my unfortunate brain fart and I completely forgot that I have to house sit...
" Why??!!"
was his response
My brain shrieked(again) "cause I fucking said so...!!!"
while the infinitely polite me said "because of the ex-roommate and the mis trust we feel due to the fact we kicked him out, and ... anyway, I remember the first impression I got from him back in feb or march that this guy was a tweeker but I thought I might hit him up for some side work but it was just a line of crap and I saw it much sooner than my usual 1- or- 2 months-and-I-have-yet-to-be-paid!! omg
I'm so smart
(top of my class at SOHK) you betcha.
I should have known by the way the day started...
Jimy said he would buy if I would fly...I was out of smokes for almost two days.
So I rode his bicycle...
Holy crap...
I'm still debating about pressing charges on that bike.
(Damn! I'm long winded.)


Thats what happens when I go for a bit
"Blogless,in Bakersfield"
my fingers need to recover.

So my lawn looks great...I'm going to take a pic of it through my front window...brb. Ok, I got it...it took me "for freaking ever"
I need a camera sooo bad but
I remember saying "I need a camera-any camera-will-do." One step at a time. Its all good.
Ok my friends ...the long-awaited-at-the-edge-of-your-porcelain-throne, installment of ...omg she needs friends cause Pooty would rather go to the pound than hear the same story over and over...
Love you ,
and I'm gonna start a scrabble game tonite
mmmwauh****
Mentlcayse

I would be more than happy to come over and cut your bangs.
I had a wild hair back n March and decided to hack mine off...I havent had bangs like these since I was about 3 yrs old I am quite happy with the lack of attention it requires! Blow and Go (sounds like my last relationship) I wanted a change, the easy style part was a surprising bonus.
Dan the Oompa Loompa hated it...he said it made me look too young!
He tried so hard to be hateful...Tee hee...Talk about enpowering!